Business Woman of the Year

Laura (my stepdaughter) is now a business. It's official! It must be, because the government says so! So the world gets ever more insane and the Office for National Statistics is now inventing businesses that don't exist. [Must be something to do with the credit crunch]. I've heard plenty of people moan that they are now regarded as nothing more than a number, but I've never heard anyone complain that they have been turned into a business.

This interesting perspective on Laura comes to light because we have just received a very official form from the Office for National Statistics headed "Business Register Survey 2008". It is to be completed for "the business named above" ...... i.e. Laura. It must be returned by 12 June or "penalties may be incurred under section 4 of the Statistics of Trade Act 1947". The form goes on, "We hold details of your business ......". That's quite clever, considering this alleged business does not, and never has, existed. I shall be returning the form with a Freedom of Information Request demanding to know where they got this information from and what other information they hold about this fictitious business which is, in fact, my stepdaughter.

I knew the government was getting desperate, but to invent spurious businesses in order to prop up the ailing economy strikes me as really being a bit beyond the pale.