Business Woman of the Year

Laura (my stepdaughter) is now a business. It's official! It must be, because the government says so! So the world gets ever more insane and the Office for National Statistics is now inventing businesses that don't exist. [Must be something to do with the credit crunch]. I've heard plenty of people moan that they are now regarded as nothing more than a number, but I've never heard anyone complain that they have been turned into a business.

This interesting perspective on Laura comes to light because we have just received a very official form from the Office for National Statistics headed "Business Register Survey 2008". It is to be completed for "the business named above" ...... i.e. Laura. It must be returned by 12 June or "penalties may be incurred under section 4 of the Statistics of Trade Act 1947". The form goes on, "We hold details of your business ......". That's quite clever, considering this alleged business does not, and never has, existed. I shall be returning the form with a Freedom of Information Request demanding to know where they got this information from and what other information they hold about this fictitious business which is, in fact, my stepdaughter.

I knew the government was getting desperate, but to invent spurious businesses in order to prop up the ailing economy strikes me as really being a bit beyond the pale.

Identity Crisis

The cost of the government's identity cards has gone up by more than £160 million to more than £5 billion. In a time of recession such as we are in at the moment, with huge public debt, how on earth can the government justify spending this sort of money on a scheme that very few people seem to want and will only tell us what we already know ....... who we are. I have known who I am from a very early age and I expect most people are the same. Why should we have to keep proving to other people who we are? If they want to know, we can tell them. If they don't believe us it's their problem. They can take it or leave it.
Moses once asked God who he was. God didn't lower himself with "proof". He simply said "I am who I am". That was good enough for Moses ..... it should be good enough for everyone else, including the government!

Why can't managers manage?

Sorry for the long pause in transmission. I've been very busy and not having much luck :-
(a) Our cat disappeared on Easter Monday and hasn't been seen since.
(b) I have had serious back problems which wrecked our post-Easter holiday as I was hardly able to walk anywhere.
(c) I was short-changed in Superdrug to the tune of £5. Had it been just one or two pounds I wouldn't have made a fuss but I can't afford to lose £5 in one go. Just imagine if that happened in every shop you went into!
I bought a packet of Neurofen (for my back pain mentioned above) for three pounds something, gave the girl at the till a ten pound note and received change for five pounds. I remained at the till with my hand out and said "where's the rest?". Instead of admitting the mistake and giving me the rest of my change, she said "Wait here, I'll have to go and see the manager". She disappeared and quickly returned saying, "can you go and see the manager. He's in the middle of the shop". I went to see the manager and asked him for my £5 outstanding change. "Well I can't open the till now," he said, "it's lunch time. I'll check it straight after lunch and phone you." He took my phone number and I reluctantly left. Needless to say, he didn't phone me, so I went back to the shop on my way home from the office. The manager was nowhere to be seen. I enquired at the central till and they immediately put out a call on the tannoy - no response. They then sent a runner up to the staff room and manager's office - still no luck. Further tannoy calls and further waiting. After about 15 minutes he eventually turned up. No apology for not phoning or being so hard to get hold of. Merely an assertion that he had checked the till after lunch and found it was two pounds over. Naturally, if my claim was correct it should be five pounds over. He didn't directly call me a liar, but the inference was there. I pointed out that I was quite certain I had given the till girl a ten pound note as I had checked the money in my pocket before I left the office (to see how much I needed to get out of the bank) and I checked it again when I got back. Allowing for the money I had taken out of the bank and my lunchtime purchases, I was five pounds short. I further pointed out that this must mean that mine was not the only inaccurate transaction at that till today. The manager did not seem to grasp the implication of the last statement. Instead he said he would have to ask the regional manager what he wanted to do about it. Why? Was this a regional problem? - No of course it wasn't. It was a minor branch issue that should have been dealt with promptly by the very minor branch manager. So the obvious conclusion is that we have here an incompetent manager and either an incompetent or thieving shop girl.
Time after time in my professional life I come across managers of shops, offices, restaurants, pubs etc who are simply unwilling to accept the responsibility of a manager. They are really no more than the guardian of the key - to unlock the premises in the morning and lock it again at night. If anything goes slightly wrong they abdicate all responsibility to the area or regional manager.
My plea is simply this - please appoint managers who are capable of managing ...... or the state of the country will decline even faster than it is at the moment.