Hi,
Just read your blog post, "You're welcome, you just can't play".
The Church is really its own worst enemy and never seems to learn from its mistakes. Not only is it getting more and more out of touch with society as a whole but it is also getting further and further away from the teachings and practice of Jesus. In addition, in times of dwindling congregations it is forcing into exile many of its best teachers. How stupid is that?
This has happened to Diane and I twice. In the first instance the words "beyond reproach" were also used and sex was the basis of the complaint. (Why is the Church so obsessed with sex?). After 17 years loyal service to the Church as a Reader, and having been abandoned by my wife, I met Diane who had similarly been left by her husband and moved in with her. Within a couple of weeks the rector was round for a chat, demanding confirmation that we were sleeping together. He then pointed out that, as a Reader, I had to be beyond reproach and, as I was now committing adultery, I had to resign, not only as Reader, but also from the PCC, the Choir, and anything else that could be considered in any way to be "leadership". We were still welcome to attend church - just not do anything! (i.e. "you're welcome but you can't play").
I politely explained that we were not, in fact, committing adultery. The original ten commandments lists adultery along with other commandments forbidding the depriving of a man of his rights - murder (the right to life), stealing (property), coveting (thinking about stealing), bearing false witness (reputation), adultery (wife). In this case Diane's husband had voluntarily given up his wife and walked away, refusing to return. To strengthen the case he had even visited the rector to confirm that he had no intention of returning to his wife, he no longer wanted her, and that he fully approved of me taking his place. However, the rector was not to be swayed. In his view we were still committing adultery as a formal divorce had not yet been finalised.
We sought a divorce as soon as possible and stayed on at the church thinking everything would be alright once we were married. We got married as soon as possible after the divorce - literally within a month of the decree absolute. (We had to allow three weeks for the banns to be posted). However, there was no attempt at reconciliation or reinstatement so, early the following year, we sadly left that church. The organist, who had left after 3 or 4 years service, was dispatched with a big ceremony and loads of leaving gifts. The best that could be managed for my 17 years + was about three lines in the parish magazine thanking me for my service.
After about three years unsuccessfully trying other churches we finally settled at another church and I resumed my Reader ministry. I served here, very successfully, for 11 years until, during a clergy vacancy I had to write a blunt letter (jointly with the churchwarden) to a member of the congregation who was hassling the pre-school who used our hall and causing them a great deal of stress. The situation had reached crisis point and the person concerned refused all attempts to discuss the situation in person, making the letter the only way of trying to resolve the matter. Unfortunately, unbeknown to me at the time, this person had a narcissistic personality and reacted very badly to the letter. He made a complaint to the local bishop about me, claiming that I should not have written the letter and that it caused him to have a breakdown. As I am sure you know, narcissists are often in denial about reality and full of "fake news" (e,g, Donald Trump).
Unfortunately the bishop believed his version of events, refused to listen to my evidence, and refused to contact any of the four good witnesses I offered him who would have supported my side of the story. He summoned me to a meeting at his house and produced a pre-prepared letter of reprimand (obviously with no intention of considering my side of the story). We therefore had no option but to leave that church and, as the bishop has oversight of all the Anglican churches within commuting distance, we not only had to leave this particular church but the Church of England as a whole. We are now settled with a local URC church and have to start all over again making new contacts, growing new friendships and try to offer some kind of ministry.
This is no way to encourage the mission of the Church despite that being the main focus in all the church press. From the above you can see that I fully sympathise with your position but can only offer two positive points :-
1.) It is the church hierarchy who cause the trouble, not the vast majority of the normal church members.
2,) There is a church out there somewhere who will love you and encourage your ministry - you just have to find it. However, (as illustrated above) when you have found it don't expect it to last forever. Change of leadership often means change of attitude.
